How to: become a teacher’s pet

In 5 easy-ish, hardworking steps

Throughout my school and university career, I was every teacher’s pet. Small, bespectacled, geeky and apparently friendless, I seemed to elicit a ‘take-them-under-your-wing’ feeling from educators. This had real perks for me — they protected me from bullying; they supported me in lieu of parental guidance; they imparted knowledge and wisdom, both of which I well and truly lacked.

But you don’t need to be all (or any) of these things to get your teachers to look out for you. Read through the steps below, and give them a try. You’ll find you get the most out of a class, the best of your teacher, you’ll be pretty chuffed with yourself. If, however, being a teacher’s pet doesn’t sound wicked great to you, go watch some cheesy 90’s soap, where you can pick up tips on how to be a world-class bully.

Sit front and centre.

This is especially useful if you’re glasses-laden (check), short (check), a social pariah (err… probs). But whatever your attire, stature or social status, remember to make eye contact, say hello at the beginning of class, and smile.

Actively listen.

The ability to listen will come in handy throughout the rest of your life, so build up your skillset now. Your friends and family will appreciate this.

You’ll learn more in classes as you practice your listening, and your wide-eyed, bushy-tailed appearance will endear you to your teacher

Take notes.

Siilar to above, you’ll find this a useful skill for all the rest of your life. Really. And your new-best-friend teacher will know that they are spewing forth reams of noteworthy information, and love you for Listening and Writing.

Learn to ask questions.

Sounds easy, but most people don’t ask what they’re curious or unsure about, especially the simple stuff. I know when I do, I sometimes get scoffed or giggled at. But I also know that I always get an answer to something I didn’t know before. And, usually someone else had that question too, and didn’t have the chutzpah to ask.

You know that line ‘there are no stupid questions’? Well, whilst that’s not strictly true, there are definitely fewer stupid questions than stupid people who don’t ask questions.

Do your work.

This is perhaps the hardest of all the steps.

In class, keep your head down and get on with it. I mean, really, stop talking to your friend and do what you know you’re supposed to be doing. This takes some practice, so start now. Be a role model.

If you’re a sparky one, and always finish your work early, get into the habit of carrying a book around with you, for some emergency novel-reading in-class quiet time. Alternatively, just do more work. Whatever your inclination, stay shtum.

This is the bit where I also say ‘do your coursework and hand it in on time’. This took me a long time to perfect, and in all honesty, being a bit lazy on the coursework front didn’t really negatively impact my teacher’s pet-ness. And, this is really a post about how to be a good teacher’s pet, not a good student. So I leave this one to you.

Finally, an optional extra, a decade or so after leaving school, you should date, move in with, and possibly marry a teacher. This is a permanent teacher’s pet role. Remember what a right little shit when you were at school, and provide them with lots of love, sympathy and support. Also, with cake.